You know those movies and tv shows about shopping for your wedding dress? Where the bride magically finds the perfect dress and it fits her like a glove? Where she sits in the little bridal room in the cute robe waiting for someone to bring the dress in for her? I’m here to tell you that is not how it works.
I am a one-stop-shop kinda girl. I love CVS for this exact reason. Need groceries? CVS. Need last minute shoes? CVS. Need a Christmas/birthday/any occasion gift? CVS. Any medicine known to man? CVS. So naturally, when wedding dress shopping came up I wanted to get it done as fast as possible.
Let me preface this by saying I looked forward to this part the least. Some girls dream of their wedding dress and can’t wait to go looking for it. Not me. I dreaded it. I’m definitely not ‘big’ by any means (I hate the word fat) but I’m not a stick either. I would say I workout (some) but also enjoy all the carbs. And beer. Gotta love beer. So I’m not super confident in my body but I’m getting better.
I invited my mom and my fiancé’s mom to go shopping with me. Or rather, they wouldn’t shut up about it so I finally caved. I scheduled one appointment for a Friday (so I could go with just my mom first) and four for the Saturday. There was no way in hell I was spending more than one weekend on this.
So Friday rolls around and my mom and I head to the first appointment. I’ve never been a bridesmaid, only attended a wedding once, and definitely didn’t do any research. So I’m essentially walking into this blind. Honestly, the girl was really nice. She helped me pick out some different styles to try on. She listened and was super attentive. When I had four choices we headed to the dressing room area.
Now by ‘dressing room’ I mean a small box of a room that had a sheet…yes I said sheet…for a door. I decided to ignore this and started to strip down to try on the first dress. This is when I realize the girl IS STILL IN THE ROOM. She’s trying to make small talk with me and I’m just not having it. Standing in my under roos with a random stranger is not my ideal time to chit-chat. I don’t know if they think you are going to steal the dress or are just trying to be helpful but dang girl some privacy would be lovely!
She politely hands me the first dress and then proceeds to tell me taking off my bra would be helpful. I, for some reason, comply with this idea and am now almost fully naked with a girl I met five minutes ago. I start to pull the dress up and notice it’s really tight. I mean REALLY tight. Like no way jose is this puppy fitting me. The lady proceeds to tell me that it’s a size 10 (usually wear 10-12 depending on taco consumption). But…bridal sizes are THREE SIZES SMALLER then street sizes. Meaning, this lady is trying to shove my ass into a size six dress. Let me tell you in no universe, no matter how much diet and exercise I do, will I ever fit in a size six. I politely (still half naked) start explaining this to her and she continues to shove me in this dress. Guys, somehow it zips. By the grace of God it zips. But then the trouble starts. See the dress is so tight I can’t breathe. In between trying to take small gulps of air I vaguely hear her ask me to walk out and show my mother. Walking didn’t happen. Shuffling didn’t happen. I think (keep in mind I’m not really breathing at the moment) I waddled? I just slowly shifted my weight back and forth between my feet while trying to propel myself forward. Somehow it works and my mom, at this point, is so shocked by my appearance she inadvertently gets this disgusted face on. Not to mention, besides being pale and clearly in pain, I look like someone covered me in Saran Wrap this dress is so tight. We both looked at each other and instantly were like ‘yeah nope’.
At this point, it feels like it’s 500 degrees in this shop. There’s no circulating air, I’m barely breathing, and I’m done. I don’t even care if I’m half naked I want this sucker off of me like yesterday. I just want to put back on my shorts and never subject myself to this experience again. Somehow I manage to try on a couple more dresses (all equally tight). By the time we leave your girl needs some AC and a beer-have to gear up for part two tomorrow.