You know those people you meet who say your 20s are the best years of your life? You know Grandpop Johnny or Aunt Lily who tell you, “enjoy yourself now because it all goes downhill from here”! Those are the same people who tell you, “wedding planning is fun”!
Let me tell you right now, man/woman, old/young, engaged/not engaged, whoever you are, this shit is NOT fun. It is not glamorous like you see in movies or on social media. You don’t sit down to a ‘free’ tasting with your significant other and chuckle at each other at how great the food is. You don’t magically find the perfect venue and whisper to yourself, “this is it”. You don’t randomly stumble upon the perfect photographer who’s in your price range and does stunning work. Oh and picking out a color scheme will make you want to pull your hair out.
I want pizza at our wedding with buffalo chicken dip and hot wings. For some reason that’s impossible for caterers to understand. No Sally Jane, I don’t want your most popular menu item of roasted duck with a maple pecan glaze. I want good ol’ fashioned pepperoni pizza. Everyone looks at me like I’m crazy when I say that. Yes, shockingly, women love to eat things that don’t look like they came out of a catalog too. #failurefreakstatus
Don’t get me started on dress shopping. I’d rather barf. It is like jean shopping or bathing suit shopping except WORSE because you have to go with other people or they get butt hurt so everyone knows if you’ve eaten too much Taco Bell and need a bigger size. Not to mention you have to go back for alterations so the torture CONTINUES on and on until you die. Just kidding…kind of….
Want to know what I’m most excited for? The alcohol! I talked to a venue who told me alcohol is not permitted before the ceremony and I laughed. Legit laughed. Honey, my parents can’t even exist in the same state as one another and it’s been six years. You better alcohol this shit up. Mimosa? Bloody Mary? Wine, tequila, beer, vodka? All the above? Whatever you got you better bring it times three or World War III is about to go down.
Anyone out there planning their own wedding because you’re broke af? I feel you. I commiserate with you. I am a failure freak with you.